First negative

I woke up this morning having just dreamed that I took a home pregnancy test. In my dream I was going to take the test alone and surprise Aaron but it was the most complicated home test I've ever seen so I had to ask him for help just to take it. It involved ironing, special gadgets, and being held upside down. It was weird. The result came out on the computer and it was positive! Aaron and I were so excited we were laughing and crying and jumping in the air. We were so happy. So when I woke up naturally I immediately took a test for real and it was much simpler. Just pee on the stick. Unfortunately, though the test was easier to take the results were not as good. Boo. Granted, my period technically isn't due until next Saturday, almost a week from now, but I suspect it will come earlier. I've been having all of my pre-period symptoms - low, mild cramps, acne, tender breasts. I feel like it's coming any day now. I guess there is a possibility that I got a false negative because I took the test too early. So I'll just have to wait and see. Try again on Friday if I haven't started yet.

Just waiting

Now that all the meds have been taken and ovulation has passed all I can do is wait patiently. Honestly I'm not thinking about it every day. Seriously.

Meanwhile, I get up every morning at 6:30 to get ready for work, and that's tough for me. I've never been a morning person. I think that you either are or you aren't and I'm absolutely not. Never have been. I could easily sleep past 9 every morning if I didn't have responsibilities. The funny thing is I'm not a night owl either. I like to go to bed by 10:30 on weeknights if I can manage it. I'll stay up late on weekends with Aaron but that's because he likes to stay up late. And he likes to get up early! We're complete opposites in that way.

I'm reaching here for something to write about. I think I am going to write some poetry. I'm teaching a poetry unit at school and the kids have some amazing talent. I've shared my high school poetry with them and got me thinking, why did I stop? So I've got a topic in mind and now to set pen to paper and see if I've still got the touch.

Staying optimistic

Time to get busy!!

Here we are on day 12 of my cycle. I've really been putting effort into getting pregnant - not a stressful effort, just giving it my all. It's been over two weeks off the caffeine and I'm pretty proud of myself. I'm dying for a Coke though!! I've been taking prenatal vitamins everyday, getting plenty of sleep, took my Clomid and wore my patch. Last night I took an ovulation test - doc said to start those on day 11. First pop was positive!! So it's ovulation time for me and as I laid in bed last night with my hips up and a smile on my face I could just feel Aaron's little swimmers making acquaintance with my darling eggs. Still two weeks to go in this cycle and I'm already giving names to the little guys. Well, putting names on a list. I don't know why I think things will be any different now than they have been for years, why I should get pregnant at 37 when I never could before. But still I'm optimistic and positive. I know that if it doesn't happen I will probably cry a little and maybe even mope a little. But I also know that I already have a large and beautiful family and I'm already a mother, and a pretty good one most of the time. My life is good - Aaron and I have been getting along better than ever lately and I look forward to and enjoy every minute with him. I'm so happy that he's my guy. He's it. The one. My very best friend. How lucky am I?

Day 7

Today is day 7 of my cycle and my last day for Clomid this month. Tomorrow I apply a Vivelle-Dot patch that I will wear for five days. Then lots of sex (that won't be a problem, heehee), and baby here we come!

Today at school one of my students came in with some tarot cards and did a reading for me. She's so adorable, I really like her and her outlook on life. She's one of the most positive people I've ever met, by far the most positive teenager! She read my cards and then she was all smiles saying, "Yep, I know what this means. I know exactly what it means. You're going to get pregnant. I'm absolutely sure of it." How sweet and positive. Of course she knows that I'm trying to get pregnant right now - I've pretty much told everyone. Of course she doesn't know that I've been struggling with infertility for years. She would probably feel bad if I told her and then ended up not getting pregnant. But I like the outlook she gave me and I like the way the cards read. Hey, I may not buy into it but I'll take that kind of positive energy anyday!

Oh, and it's day 11 for no caffeine! I've had caffeine most days of my whole life so this is big for me. I feel like I'm quitting smoking all over again!

And so it begins...

It's been an extremely unpleasant visit by Aunt Flo this month (sorry for TMI) with some of the worst cramps I've ever had. The surgery was supposed to result in pain-free periods so I was a little surprised. Doc says that we'll just have to monitor that over the next several ones but that's it's probably just because it's so soon after surgery. Ok then.

Yesterday was day 3 and therefore my first day of Clomid. Five days of that and then five days of some patch and then ovulation tests, frequent sex, and crossed fingers.

Day 8 without the caffeine. Headaches have been coming and going, sometimes bearable sometimes not so much. I've definitely felt like giving up but I'm trying to really take this seriously. It's making me tired!

Month 1, day 1

Today is day 1 of my cycle and the first month that we are really trying for this pregnancy. On Monday I'll begin my Clomid and we'll really get into this! We're only going to try for up to six months. After that time if I'm still not pregnant I'll be going on an everyday birth control pill. This will prevent me getting periods which will greatly reduce my chances for ovarian cysts and endometriosis, two things that have caused me great pain over the years. Ultimately what I want is to live a pain-free and comfortable life (don't we all?). So as we venture into month one wish us luck!

Though today is day 1 of my cycle, it is day 5 of no caffeine. The headaches have already subsided (boy it was bad the first couple of days), though I'm sure I'll get more. I admit it - I have an addiction to caffeine!! I don't really have that much - a cup of coffee in the morning, a soda in the afternoon, and an occasional Exedrin when I have a bad headache - but it's still everyday and the rebound headaches suck. So I'm pretty proud of myself for making it this far! I don't plan on giving it up forever - just until I get pregnant or don't! Well, if I do get pregnant I may give it up during the pregnancy but the same day I give birth I'm having a cup of coffee!

Now...time to clean. :)

Another motive

While everything I said in my last post is true, I do intend to write just for the sake of it, there is another motive for me taking up the blog again. Aaron and I already have a large, wonderful family with five kids between us and it's certainly enough. Who could ask for more? In fact, many might ask for less. Despite that, as a family we have decided to try for one more. I am actively trying to get pregnant. The decision came after a large abnormal cyst was found on my ovary last month. After lots of pain, a trip to Urgentcare, a CT scan, and ultrasounds, my doctor proclaimed that the cyst should be removed surgically. The surgery was scheduled for the following week and then the Dr. sat down and talked with us. As long as he was going in there, he said, he would get rid of any endometriosis he saw and would I like him to check my tubes to see if they are clear? Would these things help us to get pregnant? Well, they would give us our best shot.

After the surgery while I was still in recovery the Dr. went out to speak to Aaron. He told him that he flushed dye through the tubes and found them clear, he cleaned up all the endometriosis, and in terms of fertility "she looks great."

Now we are here not just hoping that we get pregnant, but actively making an effort. For three months I will take Clomid, that infamous fertility drug that is the cause of too many twins in this world. I am taking pre-natal vitamins and giving up caffeine which some experts say may lower the chances of conceiving. I've purchased the home ovulation kits. And Aaron has taken a sperm count test. The result? He's shooting out over 20 million a pop. We're looking good and we're taking measures.

Lots of people like to tell me that "you get pregnant when you stop trying and stop thinking about it." Well, that hasn't worked for the first 25 fertile years of my life so I think it's time to be proactive about it. We're going into this with a positive attitude - it could happen. We're not stressed about trying, we're having fun with it. (Don't forget that trying to get pregnant the natural way is TONS of fun!) We're not keeping it a secret. We're telling everyone because I figure if people know that I'm trying they'll think about me and send positive energy my way and that can't hurt, can it?

So this blog has now become a chronicle of our journey to try to have the most adorable and most intelligent baby on earth. Take the journey with us, give us your positive energy, and wish us luck!

                                                Two lines means over 20 million per mililiter!!

An English teacher should write....

I don't know how many blogs I've read (or written) that begin with "I haven't written anything in a while..." Well, that is very true. With Facebook I am able to keep up with all my friends and family and don't really need to blog or read blogs anymore. But now I am writing for a little bit of a different purpose though I do hope friends and family will read. I am writing for the sake of writing. As an English teacher I encourage my students to write everyday. Not only do I encourage it but I actually demand it. Often they have very specific writing assignments but they also have frequent "free writes" in which they can write whatever their hearts desire. I'll usually provide them with a prompt to get their creative juices flowing. I don't want to be one of those "do as I say, not as I do" people so I am going to start writing more frequently. This isn't for my students to read, though they are welcome to if they want. It's just for me to write. To vent. To share. And the truth is, despite Facebook I actually have a lot to share.

Hope you're looking forward to it!